懷念母親
作者｜ 青竹（美國）
英譯｜中權(quán)（美國）
譯審｜Gerry Spoors (英國）
在母親節(jié)來臨之際，有千言萬語想向媽媽傾訴，陰陽相隔，只能用心語和文字表白，在這節(jié)日期間更多的是激起對媽媽生前一樁樁一幕幕往事的回憶。
想起媽媽生前所說過的：我從來不將就，身上多一根汗毛也會拔掉。媽媽走了十五年余，她清脆不老的聲音如鳥兒啼唱一般，還常常響徹在我耳旁。她的言談舉止總是那么斯文靜美，和她的形體不太相稱。她不算太漂亮也稱不上太秀氣的臉龐，膚色不算白凈。但她的心地柔和如絲般，臉上總是表現(xiàn)出淡淡自然微笑的神情，這種笑容彌補了她所有的缺陷。無論事急事慢，總是以慢條斯理的節(jié)拍不趕不急地說，讓人舒服明白她說的所有內(nèi)容。媽媽慢但不啰嗦，她的性情，柔美如棉桿上盛開的潔白的花朵，容忍不得他人觸碰一下，媽媽從不大聲快節(jié)奏地說話。
臨別去天堂二零零五年十二月28日(農(nóng)歷冬月)，那夜漫天的大霧，八點半鐘在開車載著媽媽去醫(yī)院的路上，她還堅持忍著心絞痛，含淚帶著微笑了結(jié)塵緣。在臨別前，還要大弟和小弟給我說話時注意分寸，注意語言的內(nèi)涵和語音的高低，不要惹我這個當(dāng)姐的生氣。媽媽還說我有偏頭痛不能受刺激。母親對我這個長女偏愛有加，把她的愛亳無保留的給了我，讓我這個當(dāng)女兒的感到十分溫馨和慚愧。母親對弟弟們的囑托竟成了她的臨終遺言，令我淚流滿面不能自己！
媽媽走的頭天晚飯后，大孫兒拿我寄出孝敬媽媽的錢，買了枚純金四個九的壽戒，坐在媽媽床邊聊天，我兒子是爸媽的長孫，他們隔輩愛如心肝。孫子給她戴好在右手無名指的戒指時，據(jù)說這是媽媽的回光返照，精神特別飽滿，婆孫倆四十分鐘左右的聊談，話題全是說我的內(nèi)容，兒子偷偷用手機錄音，外婆讓孫子要孝敬媽媽，告訴他，媽媽十月懷胎和三天難產(chǎn)的辛苦，還告訴他，他出生的第四十二天我患急性乳腺炎，兩次手術(shù)昏死的悲慘?；杳誀顟B(tài)時，我感覺到自己靈魂出竅，魂魄在手術(shù)室四壁飛舞，聽媽媽帶著抽泣的哭聲對醫(yī)生說，求求你們千萬要救活她，媽媽對主刀醫(yī)生說；“你們看看這娃娃這么小，如果??，媽媽想要再往下說，話卻全部哽咽在喉嚨中?！? 是媽媽愛的呼喚，讓靈魂回來擁抱我的肉體，死神擦肩而過，是媽媽愛的呼喚讓我蘇醒過來。主刀醫(yī)生是四姨媽的女兒，我的表姐珍菊姐姐，給了媽媽的特權(quán)準(zhǔn)許她進入手術(shù)室。一個多月后，在媽媽精心地照顧下，我的傷口痊愈但體重從一百零八斤減少到七十八斤。
事隔二十五年后，媽媽臨終前整天放不下的都是遠在重洋的我。這真是：
“慈母手中線，
游子身上衣，
誰言寸草心，
報得三春暉?！?/p>
這就是最偉大的的母愛。千言萬語找不到一句可以貼切表達的愛詞。寫著這隔天隔地對媽媽的愛，心里總酸澀痛感萬分。歲月蹉跎，對媽媽的一往情深今生永存。
為了不讓媽媽在天之靈擔(dān)心，而今我身上有再多的毛病，也淡定不言。終有一天我也會遠行，帶著媽媽的心愿，不要太挑剔自己，不要太任性固執(zhí)強勢，不要過份勞累，牢記媽媽的囑托。今天，我過著書香品茗花香滿園的日子，到時候去哪個叫永遠的地方找爸媽會面，定會給媽媽暖心窩的報道。
唱著《媽媽的吻》在那遙遠的小山莊的歌曲，數(shù)不清唱哭我多少遍。那無限暖心純潔甜蜜的吻，媽媽在世時，我每次總是擁抱著媽媽的雙肩，像個沒長大調(diào)皮的孩子，邊唱邊吻媽媽左右兩邊的臉，媽媽忍不住歡心爽朗發(fā)出格格的笑聲。而今，只能停留在記憶心靈深處，今生今世再也不見。
我為爸媽修的“新房 ”寬敞明亮，屋前兩棵松柏，幾年的時間已有十尺高，屋檐兩邊坐落著兩個漢白玉雕刻的石獅子，為爸爸媽媽晝夜站崗守護，你們的新屋之位，女兒用重金打點，買到一穴如太師椅的福地，朝前有梯山風(fēng)景，背靠有山的穩(wěn)定，欣慰的是爸媽常入我的夢境，夢境中的媽媽容顏是四十開外中年婦女的模樣，爸爸還是英姿颯爽的軍人。只是媽媽的兩條長長的辮子剪成了齊耳短發(fā)，右邊青絲發(fā)上夾有四顆小白珍珠的發(fā)卡。滿面春風(fēng)得意的笑容，有爸爸陪伴，愛滿心間。有時候也難免充滿愛意的怨言，怨爸爸到鄰家打麻將，打籃球花多了時間。
奇怪的夢，每次夢游爸媽的新房，高大寬敞的房子缺乏透氣一點都不光亮，居然沒有一扇窗子。他們要進出還踩著古老傳統(tǒng)的竹梯翻到墻外面，媽媽幾乎不出門，白天也需點上燈火，那房子高得離奇，夢境中的陰間與陽間確實不同凡響，有著天壤之別的建筑風(fēng)格??。
每當(dāng)夢見去爸媽新房，媽媽總是為我做些我喜愛爽口的美食，醒來免不了胃脹微痛。據(jù)說夢里吃了陰間食物，總會??
念親之心如同在生命里有數(shù)不清的牽掛，貫穿布滿渾身支支線線的脈博跳動的心弦，生命不息，愛母永無休止。
（念母隨筆散文2021.5月5號）
Miss my Mom
English translation: Zhongquan (USA)
When Mother’s Day is approaching, there are a thousand words to confide to my mother. The worlds of yin and yang are separated, so I can only express myself in soul words and written words. During this holiday period, it is more to arouse the memories of the past scenes of my mother’s life.
I think of what my mother said before her death; I never give it up, and I will pluck out one more hair on my body. My mother has been away for more than fifteen years, and her crisp and immortal voice is like a bird singing, and it often resounds in my ears. Her speech and deportment are always so gentle and beautiful. It doesn't match her body type. She has a face that is neither too beautiful nor too delicate, and her complexion is not too fair. But her heart was soft and silky, and her face always showed a faint natural smile, which made up for all her shortcomings. Regardless of whether things are urgent or slow, she always talks lightly with a slow rhythm, so that people feel comfortable and understand everything she says. Mother is slow but not wordy. Her temperament is as soft as the white flowers blooming on cotton stalks which can't tolerate the touch of the others. She never speaks loudly and fast-paced, if...
Parting to heaven on the 28th winter month of the lunar calendar in 2005. The heavy fog that night my brother was driving my mother to the hospital at 8:30 pm. She still insisted on enduring her angina, tears and smiles to pay the debt of nature. Before leaving, my mom also need both of my elder brother and the younger brother to pay attention when they speaking to me, pay attention to the connotation of the language and the level of the pronunciation, and don't make me upset. Mom told them that I have a migraine and cannot be stimulated. My mother had a preference for her eldest daughter and gave her unreserved love to me, making me as a daughter feel very warm and ashamed. The mother's entrustment to my brothers became her last words, and I couldn't help myself in tears!
After dinner the day before my mother passed away, my son bought a gold four characters of nine birthday ring with the money I sent to honor my mother, and her grandson sat on the side of my mother’s bed chatting. My son is the eldest grandson of my parents. They gave their grandson so much love. When the grandson put her on the ring on the right ring finger, it was said that it was my mother back to light. She was very energetic. The grandmaand grandson had a conversation for about forty minutes. The topic was all about me. The son secretly used the cell phone to record the talk. And the grandmother told my son, he must honor his mother and tell him about the hard labor of having a pregnancy of ten months and a three-day dystocia. My mom also told her grandson that on the 42nd day of my son's birth, I suffered from acute mastitis and almost died from two operations. When I was in a coma, I felt that my soul was out of my body, and my soul was flying around the walls of the operating room. I heard my mother tell the doctor with sobbing crying, I beg you to save her. My mother said to the chief surgeon; "You Look at this little baby sosmall, if.... my mom wants to say it again, but the words are all choked in her throat." It's mother's love call, let the soul come back to embrace my body, death passed by, its mother the call of love wakes me up. The chief surgeon is the daughter of the fourth aunt and my cousin, sister Zhenju, gave my mother the privilege and let het enter the operating room. After more than a month, under the careful care of my mother, my wound healed but I lost 32 lb, my body weight decreased from 118 lb to 86 lb.
Twenty-five years later, the only thing my mother couldn't let go of before she died was me, her daughter who was far away. This is really as a poem described;
"Mother's hand thread,
Wandering clothes,
Who said nothing
Repay San Chunhui. "
This is the greatest maternal love. Thousands of words can't find a word of love that can be expressed appropriately. Writing this love to my mother who is separated in the other world, my heart is always sore and painful. Time flies, and the love for my mother will last forever in my life.
In order to prevent my mother from worrying about the spirit of heaven, no matter how many problems I have in my life, I am still calm. One day I will also travel far, with my mother's wish, don't be too picky about myself, don't be too self-willed and stubborn, don't be overworked, and keep in mind mother's request. Today, I am living a life full of books, teas, and flowers. When the time comes to meet my parents in a place called Forever, there will be a report that will warm my mother's heart.
Singing the song 《Mom's Kiss》in that remote small village, I can't count how many times I sang and cried. That infinitely warm, pure and sweet kiss. When my mother was alive, I always hugged my mother’s shoulders, like a naughty child who hadn’t grown up. I sang and kissed my mother’s left and right faces. Mother couldn’t help but set off cheerfully. Laughter. But now, I can only stay in the depths of my memory, and I will never see it again in this life.
The "new house" I built for my parents is spacious and bright. The two pine and cypresses in front of the house have been ten feet high in a few years. There are two stone lions carved in white marble on both sides of the eaves. They stand guard day and night for mom and dad. In the new house, I am their daughter and used a lot of money to purchase a blessed place like a grand teacher's chair. There is terraced mountain scenery in the front and the stability of the mountain behind. I am relieved that my parents often enter my dreams. The mothers in the dreams had the face like forty years old and looked like a middle-aged woman, and my father was still a brave soldier. It's just that my mother's two long braids are cut into ear-length short hair, and there are four small white pearl hairpins on the right blue silk hair. A triumphant smile on her face, accompanied by my father, full of love. Sometimes it is unavoidable to complain about love, complaining that my father went to the next door to play mahjong, and it took too much time to play basketball.
Strange dreams, every time I was sleepwalk to my parents’ new house, the tall and spacious house lacks ventilation and is not bright at all, and there is no window. They have to go in and out and step on the ancient traditional bamboo ladder to climb outside the wall. Mom hardly goes out and needs to light up the lights during the day. The house is strangely high, and the underworld and the sun in the dream are indeed extraordinary, with a world of architecture. Style...！
Whenever I dream of going to my parents’ new house, my mother always cooks some delicious food for me, which makes me feel bloated and slightly painful when I wake up. It has been said that when a person ate underworld food in his dream, he would always...
The heart of missing love one is like countless in life, the pulse of the beating heartstring that runs through the branches and branches of the whole body, life is endless, and the love of mother is endless.
(Qing Zhu's Essays on May 5, 2021)
作者簡介：
青竹 ，1952年生。1988年自考漢語言文學(xué)五科單科結(jié)業(yè)證。本來是學(xué)經(jīng)管專業(yè)，但是，偏偏喜歡文學(xué)。自青少年起就是文學(xué)愛好者，曾經(jīng)在廠里報刊上常常發(fā)表文章及廣播稿。于1993年開始寫作詩歌，散文，在報紙上發(fā)表過數(shù)篇小詩文。后來拜了一個詩人成都星星詩刊副審編王志杰先生為師。他曾多次鼓勵我在川大出版詩集，但因工作繁忙和下海經(jīng)商等等事務(wù)，沒時間從事業(yè)余創(chuàng)作因而擱淺。1993年參加河北女子函授詩刊培訓(xùn)班學(xué)習(xí)，記得大概1994年春節(jié)后接到詩刊邀請去山東參加筆會，此次筆會由汪國真舒婷，席慕蓉，曹增書等人組織。因?qū)W校剛開學(xué)走不開，這次筆會沒能如愿以償。
2001年來到大洋彼岸美國，生活一切從零開始，兩眼一模黑……通過努力，站穩(wěn)腳跟，最終超過預(yù)想，有了一個較為理想的結(jié)果……。
去年因全人類新型冠狀病毒感染，宅家隔離有充足的時間，提筆完成一直夢想的半自傳小說的終身愿望。
英譯者簡介：
王中權(quán)，男，研究生畢業(yè)于復(fù)旦大學(xué)醫(yī)學(xué)院，從事臨床和醫(yī)學(xué)研究，已退休?？釔畚膶W(xué)，詩歌和音樂。現(xiàn)居美國。
Wang Zhongquan, male, graduated from Fudan University School of Medicine with a postgraduate degree, engaged in clinical and medical research, and has retired. Love literature, poetry and music. Now living in the US.
Translation Review Profile :
Gerry Spoors comes from the North-East of England and has written poetry throughout his life. Professionally ，he is a Chartered Chemist and a Fellow of the Royal Society of Chemistry.His new book ‘Arthur of the Red Robe’ has been published 。
Gerry Spoors來自英格蘭東北部，一生都在寫詩。專業(yè)人士，博士學(xué)位，他是特許化學(xué)家和皇家化學(xué)學(xué)會會員。他的新書《紅袍的亞瑟》已出版。
本期總編：靜好（英國）
注：圖片來自網(wǎng)絡(luò)。
